Encouraging Loving Sibling Relationships

Of all the friends your children could make in their childhood years, deep, loving relationships with their own brothers and sisters is crucial to family unity. The family, as God designed it, with only reach it's full potential when all the members love God and one another. So, how can you encourage your children to cultivate their "best friends"among their own siblings?

1. First of all, determine to love all of your children equally. Parents who show partiality to one child over another will cause their children to be jealous and resentful of one another. There will be times when one child may be at a more challenging phase of discipline and growth than another. But the wise parent will resist the temptation to draw a comparison between the two. Be careful what you say about your children to them and to other people.

2. Teach your children to show love to their siblings with the words they use. There is no place among brothers and sisters for name-calling and insults. Instead, Christian parents should help their children learn how to say words that will encourage and build up. Hold them to the standard of Ephesians 4:29 that says, "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear." Children must also be taught to use appropriate tone of voice, one that is kind and gracious and will not heighten a conflict. "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)

3. Help your children practice acts of love to one another. It has been said that actions speak louder than words, and there is no better way to prove loving words than by loving deeds. This can start with a toddler being encouraged to share his crackers with his big brother, or an older child giving a turn with a game or special toy to a younger sibling. Coach your children in the art of giving cards and handmade gifts to one another on birthdays and other special occasions, or just because. Teach them to govern their actions by Matthew 7:12, "however you want people to treat you, so treat them." Children will remember how they were treated by their brothers and sisters. Help them build memories together of loving words and actions.

4. Teach your children how to resolve conflict. While it may come natural to your children to respond to conflict by pouting, yelling, or revenge, these ways are not God's ways. Instead take your children to the Scriptures to learn Biblical conflict resolution. Practicing these 4 steps will help children be at peace rather than at odds.
1. When sinned against, go to your brother and privately reprove him. (Matt. 18:15)
2. When you have sinned, confess your sins to one another. (James 5:16)
3. Forgive one another. (Matt. 6:14)
4. Be humble and unselfishness. (Phil. 2:3,4)

5. Help your children to honor one another by respecting the property of others. Some simple standards like asking permission before borrowing or using something will help minimize conflict among siblings. Be sensitive to an older child who is reluctant to hand over his fragile or special possession to a toddler who has a reputation for destruction.

6. Finally, encourage physical affection. One of the sweetest things you will see in your home will be children showing their love with hugs and kisses! This should be modeled before them, and sometimes they will need to be coached along to show affection.

Now, I wish that after almost 20 years of trying to teach my children to love each other that I could say that they have it all down! Unfortunately, though, they are sinners like their mother, and loving others is a lifelong pursuit. So we fail and repent and ask forgiveness, and pray for God's grace to motivate us to love others like He has loved us. It has given me many opportunities over the years to talk to them of their need of Christ's work in their hearts. So, as I see my children growing up and becoming close friends, I thank God for what He has done.